Bad Harry
by The Parody King
Summary: *Points to title* Harry goes bad. This fic will parody many villeins from not only last year, but also many velleins from any time. This fic promises to be parhaps the stupidest thing you have read. At less you are familar with the usual Parody King fic.


In Dudley's second bedroom, Harry sat on his bed. Folding his arms, looking deranged.

It was almost his birthday. In fact, only a few minutes till his sixteenth birthday. He wondered what would be in store for him this year. An evil smile went across his face, as he thought of all the deranged and disgusting things he could do.

An Owl flew in. It was that stupid 'Arrow' or whatever the stupid bird's name was. He opened the letter.

'Greetings, Mister Potter. It is I, your good friend, Ronald Weasley. A few weeks can feel like years without any friends. I can understand entirely with your situation, right now. We all have dark times of our life, but the sun always comes up. You must understand this, my good friend. Never under-estimate the strength of the heart, the virtue of nobility, and the tool of wisdom. In the plainest and simplest words; Happy Birthday, old friend. You have been there for me when no one else was. When no one else was there to shield me from the darkest corners of my mind, and the darkest corners of my life. You have been the light in so many people's lives, your compassionate and selfless behavior surer could never understand what wonders you have given me, and my family's lives.

Sincerely, Ronald I Forget My Middle-Name Weasley. With the greatest and humblest regards, dear friend. I enclose one of my family's greatest possessions, a family heirloom. Given to our family centuries ago for my ancestor's dedication to a great wizards well-being. For all you have done for us, we now entrust it happily to you.'

Harry read the letter, again. His evil and ugly grin lowering. He didn't know exactly what, but Ron's writing seemed a tad ... smarter. But perhaps it was just his eyes, or his evil ambition. He then looked at the card over the wrapped package.

'Hey, Harry. Happy Birthday, and here's your present. Mum wanted you to have it. It belonged to some old guy in the family, don't remember his name. Anyway, here's your tommy gun. It's magical, of course. Enjoy the cake!'

Harry opened the package to find a tommy gun. He grinned, more evil and more ugly than before. He thought it was nice of Mrs. Weasley to give him a tommy gun for his birthday, it seemed very thoughtful and motherly.

Another owl then flew in, right as Harry had begun derangedly eating his cake. It was pig. He looked at the handwriting, and realized it was Hermione. He guessed she was already at the Weasley's. He opened the letter.

'Yo, man. How ya doin', ya old beep? Your packs are in here. It's your sweet sixteen, ya . Hope yer birthday is as unstudied as possible!'

Harry shrugged. The letter certainly sounded like Hermione, so she must of been at La Borrow. He glanced at the note over the wrapped gift, obviously a book.

'Hi, Harry. I'm staying at La Borrow for the summer. I thought it would be easier to stay in a magical home, since we already have such a large list to read before September. Mrs. Weasley says you should be able to come over very soon. Since I imagine you've already gotten all the books you need on your list, I decided to get you a few books for lighter and easy reading. Their all about killing and stuff."

Harry sneered and opened the package. The books were titled 'Beyond Crucio: Torture spells even you-know-who doesn't use', 'Dark arts for dummys', and 'Kickin' House Elves: How to make use of your useless servant'.

Harry grinned, as he ate the next cake, looking corrupt. Then, a barn owl flew in, dropping a letter and a few droppings, before leaving. Harry didn't bother cleaning, rather liking being deranged and repulsive. It was from Hagred, and he opened the letter.

'Harry, Happy Birthday! Brough' you a cake, but it' probably spoiled by now. Though' you migh' like it. Sixteen. Still can't believe it's been that long since I held you as a baby, Harry. And you lookin' more and more like your father, too. Still can't believe it. Well, I'll be seein' you round the school, I guess. I'll be tachin' n' all. Got some great ideas this year, I do.'

Harry's eyes narrowed. This didn't sound at all like Hagred. It must of been a forgery. But he didn't care, and continued reading.

'Anyway, I got ya a baby basilisk! Thought it might be fun ta have a pet your scared ta see. Just don't go killin' any of the students, ya know.'


End file.
